If Only Page 15

  “So, you slept with him?”

  I nodded.

  Mia looked up towards the sky. I couldn’t believe I was telling her this but I wanted to. I knew she would give me her most honest opinion.

  “She fucking smirked at me.” I quipped, referring to when I bumped into Jacqueline yesterday in the mall.

  “Argh, she’s a bitch. It’s almost like she’s enjoying torturing you.”

  I nodded.

  “So, you fucked him to get back at her?”

  I chuckled. “Yes. No.” I took a breath. “I don’t know. I guess it just angers me that she has him in some way. She will have him for the rest of her life. Now, I’m forced to share someone that should be mine.” I squeaked.

  “I mean, I miss Christian even now still, so I guess I wanted him in some way.”

  Mia laughed.

  She was wearing a white linen dress and sandals and her hair was in a messy bun at the nape of her neck. The way she looked today was far different from the dress suits I’ve seen her in on occasion.

  “You don’t think you might be giving him the wrong impression?” Mia asked. “By fucking him again and all.”

  “I thought about that.” I said staring at the pavement beneath my feet. ”I’m worried that I might’ve but I told him I couldn’t stay.”

  Mia nodded. “Do you plan to divorce him?”

  I made a long sigh. “I don’t trust him anymore. I love him still but what’s the point of loving someone you can’t trust.

  “Christian has lied to me for so long. He’s always treated me like his life and agenda were more important than mine. I always felt so insignificant and now that he’s done this, it just solidifies that I was right.

  “Christian’s embarrassed me beyond belief. He’s been getting naked with some other woman. Then he gives her the child I’ve been begging him, for fifteen years for.

  “I don’t have a choice but to leave him. I can’t do this to myself.”

  I wiped my tears with my palm.

  “I agree.” Mia said, draping an arm over my shoulder.

  “What happened with the other guy, Justin?”

  I smirked. “He’s spending the rest of the summer with his brother in Florida. We’re just friends anyway. He’s young, just a kid but he’s a good kid.”

  Mia covered her mouth with her hand. “I bet he likes you.”

  I cocked my head to the side looking at her. “I don’t know. He’s sweet to me but he should really find a girl his own age. I’m grateful for him though, having him around has helped me a lot, even if it was just for sex and company.” I said honestly.

  We walked further down the trail and Mia stopped, unhooking her arm from around my neck.

  “Do you want to do something fun?”

  “Sure.” I had no plans for the day.

  “There’s a new exhibit at the Art Institute. Do you want to check it out?”

  “Yeah, why not?”

  Mia

  I stood next to Scarlett later in the afternoon admiring The Old Guitarist painting by Pablo Picasso.

  The large room smelled of cedar and air freshener. My sandals clicked against the bamboo wooden floors with each step I made. The painting depicted an old, almost skeletal man sitting on the ground strumming a guitar. He looked sad, hungry and tired.

  “I haven’t been here in ages.” Scarlett said. “It was a good idea.”

  “I’m glad.”

  Scarlett’s phone vibrated incessantly. Eventually, she turned it off, giving me a forced smile as she did it. I was sure all the phone calls were from ‘the husband.’

  “Do you know a lot about art?” I asked her.

  She smiled. “A little.”

  “Do tell.” I said jokingly.

  “This.” She said pointing her chin in the direction of the painting in front of us. “Was painted between 1903-1904.

  “At the time, Picasso renounced his classical and traditional education and searching for fame. Picasso and his friend Carlos Casagemas moved to Paris.

  “Almost a year later Casagemas became hopelessly miserable from a failed love affair and committed suicide. Picasso then became depressed himself after the loss of his friend.

  “Picasso was very poor also, which made him identify and relate to beggars, prostitutes and outcasts in Parisian society.

  “All of this led to the beginning of Picasso’s Blue Period which lasted from 1901-1904, when Picasso only painted using blues, greys and blacks. He only painted melancholy figures lost in contemplation and in deep significant tragedy.” Scarlett said.

  “Ah, huh.” I said, shocked at the depth of knowledge Scarlett knew about Picasso.

  She gave me a huge smile and moved on to the next painting.

  I really liked this woman and not just to look at her but really just everything about her. This was probably one of the most enjoyable days I’d had in a long time with a friend.

  Scarlett’s blonde hair fell over her shoulders to the middle of her back. Her skin now had a slight golden hue from the summer sun. It was a perfect contrast to the bright pink tank top and white shorts that she was wearing. Her body was fit and toned. I imagined what she looked like naked and felt my temperature rise. Scarlett really was exquisite.

  We moved on to a few more paintings. Edward Hopper’s Nighthawks and Georges Seurat’s A Sunday on La Grande Jatte- 1884. Scarlett seemed to know the artists well and all the stories behind them.

  “I never went to college.” Scarlett grumbled.

  I looked at her and threw my hands up. “Well, I went to college and I don’t know all of this.” I laughed, following behind her, noticing the sexy sway of her hips and the roundness of her ass.

  Scarlett was a gold mine of information when it came to art. It was all a pleasant surprise.

  Scarlett

  Mia and I settled into a small table in the museum café, which was fairly empty.

  I inhaled the deep scent of roasting coffee beans and fresh pastries.

  “What would you like?” I asked Mia.

  “A tea would be okay.”

  “A croissant?” I asked.

  Mia groaned. “I’m already fat enough.”

  I giggled. “Don’t be crazy. You’re pregnant. You’re not fat.”

  Mia smiled, searching through her wallet. “Okay.”

  I dashed off to the counter to place the order. When I returned to the table, Mia was staring into her phone and then set it down with a grimace. I pushed the tea towards her and she took it, taking the top off. I stirred my cappuccino, looking her over.

  She really was pretty, even pregnant. I wondered what she would look like with her hair out. It was always up in a clip or in a conservative bun. I opened my wallet, showing Mia a picture of my brother and his wife.

  “This is Patrick and Elise.”

  Mia nodded. “That’s a really nice picture.”

  “It’s their wedding photo. Patrick lives about an hour away from here. He is like the coolest little brother anyone could have.”

  “Do you have siblings?”

  Mia shook her head. “No, but I always wished I had.”

  “My dad Kieran is a lawyer and leads up his own practice now just outside of Chicago. My mother is law professor. I’m from a family of lawyers.”

  “That sounds cool.” I said, taking a sip of the warm liquid in my cup.

  Mia scoffed. “Dad was never really home. He was a workaholic and so was my mother. They divorced when I was fourteen but they didn’t really actually break up, like really break up until I was probably about sixteen. It was weird.”

  I laughed. “Sounds like they loved each other.”

  “They did.” Mia said nodding.

  “Your parents still together?”

  “Noooo.” I said, trying not to giggle.

  Mia’s brows shot up. “Divorced too?”

  “Yep. I grew up in a very unique household. My mother was or is a bit brain dead and my father couldn’t keep his dick in his pants
for most of their marriage.”

  Mia laughed loud and then covered her mouth.

  “He was always cheating on her.” I said.

  Mia nodded slowly and then waved her hand around. “Which is why this hurts all the more, right?”

  “Yes.” I said firmly.

  “I understand.” Mia said.

  For some reason, I think she did really understand.

  “I haven’t seen my father since I was eleven.”

  Mia’s eyes widened at my statement.

  “I think I hate him sometimes. It was devastating when he left and then he had two other kids we found about around the time he left. I’m certain they grew up with him but my brother and sister and I were pretty much forgotten about after he left.”

  “That’s got to hurt.” Mia said.

  “It does but I think I just channel all of that frustration into hate and I think it makes me feel better.”

  Mia laughed. “That isn’t healthy.”

  “Probably not.” I said, tossing my hair over my shoulder. “But it’s kept me going.”

  It was quiet for a long moment, while we sipped from our cups and people watched for a little while. Every now and again I could smell Mia’s perfume. It was always the same scent - floral mixed in with vanilla. It was sexy but subtle all at the same time. I lifted my gaze and met Mia’s big brown eyes.

  “Do you miss her?” I asked. “Lauren?”

  I knew why I was curious.

  “No.” Mia said quietly. “I think I thought I would but then after the first week I was just glad she was gone.”

  “Do you still love her?”

  “No.” Mia quipped. “She’s hurt me too much. I can’t love someone that would hurt me like that.”

  I groaned into my paper cup. “I wish it was that simple.”

  Mia sat straight in her chair and looked at me. “It is sometimes I guess but other times, it probably isn’t.”

  I admired Mia’s ability to make up her mind when I was just confused, like all the fucking time.

  “It was hard at first for me being alone.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  I sat forward placing my hand over Mia’s and she froze at my touch.

  “It was why I fucked Justin to begin with, because I was lonely.”

  “Well, it definitely sounds like you’ve been having a lot of sex lately.” Mia laughed.

  I covered my mouth. “I know.” I said shamefully. “It’s been interesting. I haven’t been touched by another man in years. I kind of offered it up you know. It felt slutty but I didn’t care and then when Justin silently understood, he touched me. I was so nervous. I was shaking like a virgin.” I snorted out. “It was embarrassing.”

  Mia smiled.

  “And it was good, like really, really good.” I hunched my shoulders. “But still it wasn’t Christian.”

  “What about you?” I asked squinted my eyes at her.

  I knew what it felt like to be sexually starved, neglected for so long you were almost desperate for human touch. It was agonizing.

  Mia cleared her throat, visibly uncomfortable by my question.

  “Me?” She said, placing a hand in the center of her chest. “I don’t worry about that anymore. It’s more of a post-birth concern.” She chuckled.

  “Oh.” I said, still looking over her, noticing how she became uncomfortable under my scrutinizing gaze.

  “No one wants to have sex with a pregnant woman, trust me.” Mia spat out.

  The way she said it made me wonder if there was a deeper meaning behind her words but I didn’t ask. When I met her eyes, she looked away from me again.

  “Give.” I demanded.

  Mia chuckled and let out a sigh, staring up at the ceiling. I unwrapped my croissant taking a bite.

  “I used to sleep with this girl. It wasn’t a relationship or anything but I guess we were friends.”

  I nodded.

  “Well, I called her recently and when she came over. It was sooo bad.”

  “Like how bad?” I asked smiling.

  Mia took a piece of the croissant, putting it into her mouth, clearly not wanting to give me any details. “She told me I was disgusting.”

  I froze, glaring at her. “What do you mean?”

  Mia sighed again. “I mean, she saw my stomach and told me it was disgusting.”

  I chewed slowly looking at her.

  “Then, the next day she called me and left the name of an abortion doctor.”

  “What the fuck?”

  “Exactly.” Mia muttered. “I think she thought she was helping but after she called me disgusting, I just wanted to crawl in a hole.”

  “God, that is bad.”

  “Yeah, I know. Soooo, I’m not really worried too much about the sex thing right now.” Mia chuckled.

  “Well, I think you’re beautiful.” I told her.

  Mia blinked slowly looking at me. I was most definitely flirting with her. After a few seconds, I looked around the café again.

  “We should look at some more art before we go?” I suggested.

  “Yeah sure.”

  Scarlett

  “How’d it go?”

  “It was a little boy.” I said scooting into the booth, next to Mia, when she asked about Melinda giving birth, which went smoothly.

  “You’re wearing a suit.”

  Mia groaned. “Yeah.”

  I looked around the Asian restaurant, that was upscale and modern. I felt underdressed. I was wearing a tank top and capri pants with flats. I put my hair up in a high pony tail and dabbed on some clear lip gloss.

  “You look pretty.” Mia said, slipping off her jacket.

  “Thanks.”

  I sniffed and shut my eyes. I could smell meat and onions cooking and then I looked to the far end of the restaurant and could see a teppanyaki bar.

  “It smells mouthwatering in here.”

  “I come here all the time, usually with Connor.”

  I’d heard so much about Connor but I was yet to meet him.

  “It’s been a while since I’ve been to a fancy restaurant.” I said in a dramatic Southern accent.

  Mia laughed.

  “Thanks for inviting me here.”

  Mia smiled. “It’s Friday night.”

  “Yeah I usually just sit at home and watch TV.” I mumbled, picking up the thick menu.

  “So, do I.” She said.

  “Time goes by so fast. Pretty soon you will be giving birth.”

  “I can’t wait.” Mia said dryly.

  I looked around the restaurant that was filled mainly couples. Groups of people sat at the bar, chatting and drinking. It reminded me so much of the scene that I was used to when I was with Christian.

  The waitress came by and took our drink and dinner orders before she scurried away again. A moment later, Mia’s eyes shot wide. She dipped her head left and right, clearly avoiding making eye contact with someone she didn’t want to see.

  “Oh, my God.” She whispered. “In one of the biggest cities, I don’t know how you can manage to keep bumping into the same fucking people.”

  I spun around attempting to follow her eyeline.

  “It’s them.” Mia muttered.

  “Who?”

  Mia nudged her chin to my eight o’clock. I spotted a blonde woman walking with a tall, brown haired man.

  “Lauren and her boyfriend. I’ve seen him naked.”

  I laughed, covering my mouth, taking a long sip of my mango margarita. I looked at the pair again. The man she was with was wearing a dress shirt and dark jeans and Lauren was wearing a super short bright pink tube dress and heels. She was tiny with honey blonde hair and brown eyes. As soon as my eyes finished roving over the man, Lauren’s eyes connected with mine and she smiled. I turned back towards Mia slowly.

  “Fuck.” Mia muttered. “They spotted us.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” I laughed.

  “Fuck, she’s coming this way.”

  I turned to
my left and the woman really was coming over. I chuckled at her audacity. Any stranger would think the two women were best friends.

  “Mia.” The woman said smiling wide. “It’s good to see you. Who is your-?”

  I shot up from the table, looking between the two women, trying my best to avoid Mia’s glare.

  “I’ll be right back – bathroom.” I said, looking for the sign like there was a fire.

  Mia

  Lauren’s gaze remained on Scarlett’s ass like a hungry animal, as she scampered away from the table. I felt my irritation rise. I was six months pregnant but it didn’t mean I wouldn’t hesitate to slap her.

  Lauren met my eyes again and smiled. “She’s gorgeous. Who is she?”

  I shook my head, eyeing over Lauren who was now wearing an engagement ring that wasn’t mine. “Engaged?” I asked ignoring her question.

  “Yes.” She said looking down at the small solitaire on her finger. The one I gave her was bigger.

  “Have you told him you’re bisexual?”

  Lauren smiled nervously. Then she ran her hand over her forearm, the way she does when she’s uncomfortable.

  “He knows you’re a friend of mine.”

  I scoffed. “A friend? Do you lick the pussies of all of your friends, Lauren?”

  Lauren dropped her head to the floor, fiddling with her fingers. “Look, I know you probably hate me.”

  I sat back in my seat looking her over.

  “But I really do care about you.” She added.

  “Why did you come over here?” I snapped, interrupting her bullshit.

  “Because.” Lauren said, with a pleading look on her face. “I want us to just be able to at least say hi when we see each other, Mia. I’ve known you all my life. You’re my best friend.”

  Lauren’s eyes dropped to the floor, just when the waitress returned with our appetizers.

  I took a deep breath when she met my eyes again. “Lauren, I don’t know what you want me to say to you, except that I wish your husband to be, good luck.” I said with a dry smile.

  Lauren sighed.

  Scarlett approached the table slowly. Lauren gave her another smile that made me want to kick her teeth in. It was overtly sexual and salacious and made it obvious to anyone looking at her, that she was attracted to Scarlett – a woman she barely knew.