If Only Page 12

  “I’m Evelyn!” A young woman yelled, leaning towards me.

  Evelyn had long dark hair and green eyes. The way Justin looked at her made me curious. He liked her.

  “Hi.” I said.

  The woman then gave Justin a hug. When he turned away to speak to someone else, Evelyn placed something in my hand discreetly and then and walked off.

  I opened my hand, staring at the little yellow pill.

  I’d no clue what it was. I closed my hand considering what it could be. Then against my better judgment, I tossed the candylike tab to the back of my throat and washed it down with the beer in my hand. I knew I was being reckless but I didn’t care.

  After what seemed like forever but only had to be a few minutes, I was floating on some magical cloud.

  Justin stepped towards me. I grabbed his hand and pressed myself against his chest, swaying to the melodic song that was playing. I intertwined my fingers in his and he held me tight as we danced, while everyone in the room moved around us as if we weren’t even there. He touched my face with his hand, forcing me to look up at him. I hadn’t realized I was crying but I knew I was thinking about Christian and the state of my sad life. Justin smiled at me and wiped my face with his hand, putting an arm around my shoulder and leading me off somewhere, deeper in the house. We walked through the plumes of marijuana smoke that only seemed to be intensifying my trippy, drug-induced state. My brain was cloudy and my emotions were set to overdramatic. Justin pressed me against the hallway wall, putting his face close to mine.

  “You took something.” He said sternly.

  “No, I didn’t.” I slurred out.

  Justin glared at me, likely looking at my dilated pupils. He was studying medicine. I was certain he could spot someone high from a mile away.

  I laughed and kissed his lips.

  “Scarlett, you did.” Justin said looking annoyed. “You can’t just do that.”

  I laughed again, finding it amusing that I was being scolded by someone nearly fifteen years younger than me. He was the adult right now and I was the irresponsible child. Justin swore and then pulled me along the dark hallway.

  Scarlett

  I was lying horizontal across Justin’s lap, with my head resting on the arm of the sofa. I snuggled closer, looking up at him as he sipped a beer. I felt like a giddy teenager. His hand was draped over my shins, touching my toes. He suggested I sit and wait for the effects of whatever I took to wear off. I only wanted to dance. Justin reluctantly let my hand go as I slinked out his lap.

  There was no one in this room except for us and Evelyn. It was like some sort of man cave, decorated in dark tones and cream carpeting. A flat screen television mounted on the wall above the fireplace was showing a music video. Bon Iver by Roslyn & St. Vincent blared from the stereo. The song had a haunting melody layered by the sound of an acoustic guitar. It was beautiful. I swayed to music that was absent a beat.

  Evelyn watched me from the corner smiling, sipping from a plastic cup as I danced around the room. I laughed and moved closer to Justin kissing him and then shimmied back to the center of the floor. He only smiled keeping his gaze on me, even though I knew he was just simply annoyed with me from earlier.

  Evelyn stepped towards me, grabbed my hand and began to dance with me. I took her hands in mine and we stayed to the music together, spinning and rocking back and forth. I laughed realizing how much fun I was having. Then she kissed me. It was soft and her mouth tasted sweet. I froze for a moment, then kissed her back. Justin’s eyes were wide like a little boy’s on Christmas morning and his lips were parted watching us. I turned slowly again to look at Evelyn who was watching me with intensity in her green eyes. I twisted my fingers in her long hair and she touched mine and kissed me again. Our tongues tangled and then Evelyn took over the kiss, gripping me hard. A warm hand slipped up my sweater, squeezing my breasts, unsnapping my bra and then pulling the sweater off completely. For a moment, I almost forgot Justin was there. I covered my breasts with my hands looking towards the door.

  “Don’t worry, it’s locked. I live here. It’s fine.” She whispered into my ear.

  Justin was still watching us from the sofa speechless. I pulled Evelyn’s shirt off and she unbuttoned her pants and then fiddled with the waistband of mine. I pushed them down to my ankles, allowing the warm air of the room to touch my skin. We both stood in the middle of the room completely naked. I kissed Evelyn again admiring her small breasts and shapely hips. She was warm and the scent of strawberries lingered on her soft skin. I guided her towards the sofa where Justin was sitting and nudged her to sit next to him. I knelt, throwing her knees over my shoulders. I grazed my lips over the soft skin on her thighs and then my lips found her pussy that was already wet. I ran my tongue over her clit and Evelyn’s thighs twitched. I sucked hard, eating her out, keeping Justin’s gaze the entire time absorbing his expression. His lips quivered from where I stood and then he chewed into his bottom one. I was certain he would draw blood. He placed his hand over mine, while he watched the of us in front of him. Evelyn’s eyes were half shut. Each time I licked and sucked her face contorted in pleasure.

  Justin jumped up anxiously from the sofa, settling behind me. In an instant, he was inside of me fucking me slow and hard, digging his fingers into my hips as he drove into me from behind, watching the scene below him.

  Evelyn was coming. She gripped my shoulders and her thighs quivered.

  Justin came, rubbing the head of his cock against the inside of my leg as it jerked hard. I was certain the vision before him was all too much. It wasn’t a huge deal. Justin would be hard again in another few seconds. He placed a kiss on my shoulder. Evelyn stood up from the sofa nudging me to take her place. I parted my legs watching Justin as he knelt there, looking dumbstruck with his dick in his hand as his chest heaved for air.

  Fade Into You by Mazzy Star began to play. It used to be one of my favorite songs. I would play it over and over, forcing Christian to dance with me to it, while I sang the words in his ear.

  Evelyn’s lips touched me. I melted at the feeling of her mouth on my pussy. Justin ran his big hand along his cock, watching us, staring at the view of Evelyn’s pussy from behind. I smiled at him through half-lidded eyes. He came closer, leaned down and kissed me. When he pulled away, I cupped Evelyn’s face with my hands.

  “Can he?” I asked her.

  Evelyn glanced over her shoulder at Justin and nodded, giving him a small smile. Justin eagerly took his position behind her, touching her pussy with his fingers a few times and then guided himself into her. She moaned. The vibration of the sound against my skin, only intensified what I was already feeling. Justin pumped into her hard, pulling out slowly and pushing back in. Each time he did it, Evelyn’s fingers dug into my thighs. Her tongue flicked and sucked along my flesh, until I was crying out helplessly. My hand trembled as I touched hers, feeling my orgasm building.

  Justin’s jaw was tight and he burned a hole into me with his eyes. He looked down at Evelyn’s pussy again and sucked in a long breath, pounding into her hard. Evelyn screamed. She was coming and so was I.

  Justin growled and pulled his cock out of her. After a few more strokes, he sprayed his cum all over Evelyn’s ass then slowly, his shoulders drooped.

  Evelyn stood, nearly falling over completely before Justin quickly helped to stand her upright. She kissed Justin on the cheek and retired to one of the recliners, wrapping a thick blanket around her, watching us.

  I remained on the edge of the couch with my legs spread. Justin approached me slowly and dipped down to kiss me. It was loving and sweet. I gripped the back of his neck and kissed him back.

  “You’re the sexiest woman alive, Scarlett. I fucking swear it.” He said to me.

  Then he was hard again, pushing his cock into me slowly. He hooked my thighs over his elbows, spreading my legs wide and gripping my waist. He settled into another languid but punishing rhythm into my pussy. I allowed myself to relax, feeling all of him as he sli
d his cock in and out of me. Justin smiled looking at me. His hands were trembling and his face was covered in sweat.

  Evelyn had fallen asleep, I realized when I glanced over to her.

  Justin groaned and hissed, sliding in and out of my wetness. The song changed again to If The Right One Came by the Civil Wars. I was exhausted and drunk and high but I wanted to come again. When Justin pulled out and pushed his cock into me again, my pussy throbbed around him and I knew I would.

  The rest of the night was a haze.

  Scarlett

  I laid in bed in the morning, noticing the pounding of my head and the dry mouth that was probably the result of the drugs I’d taken. The memories of the night before came flooding back.

  Justin was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching me. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay before I left.” He said, pointing towards the two Tylenol tabs and glass of orange juice that was sitting on the nightstand.

  “Thanks, I’m fine.” I said feeling rotten.

  “I’ve, um. I’ve ah never done anything like that.” Justin said fiddling with his fingers.

  “I’ve always wanted to fuck Evelyn but she never seemed into me. I didn’t imagine that was the way it would happen.”

  “Maybe she’s a budding lesbian, still with some straight tendencies. You know, still trying to figure herself out.” I said.

  Justin grinned. “It was nice, all of it.”

  I gave Justin a smile. “I’m glad you liked it.”

  Justin nodded. “I have to go.” He said kissing my forehead. “But I will come back later tonight to sleep. I will miss you.” He said kissing my lips.

  “Okay. You’re so sweet.”

  When the apartment was quiet again, I thought about everything that happened yesterday before I agreed to go to that party.

  As I recalled the phone call with Christian, it only left me feeling worse. I promised I would meet him today.

  I thought about Mia. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed realizing how different we were. How I wanted to be just like her but I knew I wasn’t made of that kind of stuff. Mia was settled and I was still trying to find myself at the age of thirty-seven. I liked Mia. Each time I looked at her I imagined kissing her but neither of us were in the best circumstances for that. Plus, I was committed to her in a way that we both couldn’t afford to be jeopardized. Mia’s baby was coming. That was a fact. She invited me to her place next week. It was a small party she said that she’d invited a few friends to. I planned to go.

  Justin was a breath of fresh air but he was spending the rest of the summer in Florida with his brother and then he was back to school in September.

  After tonight, he was gone. His flight was leaving early in the morning. I would be alone again, likely spending most of my days at work. I needed to get used to being alone.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Mia

  The doorbell rang. I slid out of bed and walked down the hallway. When I opened it, Penelope stood in front of me, with a huge smile on her face. It had been months since I’d last seen her. It was a final attempt to have sex before I got too big but I knew I still had to tell her. Before I could speak, she lunged for me, kissing me hard, backing me into the wall.

  “Wait. I have to tell you something.” I said but the words came out garbled around her tongue down my throat.

  She opened her coat, revealing a sexy red ensemble that was typical Penelope.

  “What?” She asked breathlessly. “I thought you wanted to fuck.”

  “I do.” I said, inhaling the delicate scent of her perfume and her hair. “But I should tell you something first.” I breathed out, knowing I couldn’t cheat her like this, without letting her know there would be a third person present.

  “What is it, Mia?” Penelope said cupping my face again and kissing me.

  She pressed into me and bumped into my stomach and flinched. Slowly, she backed away with her hands up in surrender, with knotted brows looking me over. “What -?”

  I opened my robe, revealing my rapidly growing baby bump.

  “What the fuck is that, Mia?” She asked, allowing her eyes to take over me from head to toe with an open mouth.

  “I’m pregnant. That’s what I was trying to tell you.”

  Penelope’s face twisted. “That’s disgusting, Mia. I thought you’d gained some weight but I figured it was from stress or whatever.” She babbled out.

  I felt my eyes well up with tears. I don’t know why I thought Penelope’s reaction would be anything but this. Penelope was single, sexy and put a lot of emphasis on maintaining her perfect model figure and she wanted to stay that way. She would never understand.

  “Why didn’t you get rid of it?”

  “Because I wanted to keep it.”

  Penelope’s eyeballs nearly fell out of her head. “Have you been taking cock, Mia?

  You’ve been fucking men?” She asked with another disgusted, incredulous look on her face.

  Penelope knew me well enough to know that I absolutely, unequivocally was not fucking men.

  “No.” I sighed. “It’s complicated.”

  “Who was he? When did this happen?” She asked as if she didn’t hear my answer.

  Then she backed away from me.

  “You’re a woman you know! You should understand this, Penelope.”

  I tied my robe back angrily and turned away from her.

  “I’m sorry.” Penelope quickly backpedaled, reaching for my shoulder.

  “Just go.” I said, tugging away from her.

  “Mia.” Penelope called out as I headed down the hallway. “Mia come on!”

  I headed towards my bedroom, slamming the door.

  Penelope shouted something in Spanish about me acting like a child. Then the sound of her heels clicking along the wooden floors echoed in the foyer, right before the heavy door to my apartment closed.

  I buried my face in my pillow and cried myself to sleep.

  Scarlett

  “Mia.” Justin repeated the name. “It has a nice ring to it.”

  I snuggled up against Justin under the covers.

  We’d just finished eating takeout and we now watching sitcom reruns.

  “You like her?”

  “Yeah, I think I do. I think about her a lot.” I giggled. “Like I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s pretty. She’s sexy. She’s smart.”

  “She’s pregnant.” Justin chimed in.

  “Yes, right. She’s pregnant.”

  “It’s actually a fantasy of mine to fuck a pregnant woman.” Justin said.

  I laughed, whacking him in the chest. “She’s a lesbian.”

  “Oh, right.”

  Justin ran his fingers through my hair and I kissed his hand when he ran it along my jawline.

  “But you agreed to see Christian...to talk.”

  “Yes.”

  Justin groaned. “I don’t like it, Scarlett. I think it’s a bad idea. He will beg and probably cry and you will crumble like a cookie.”

  I laughed and poked Justin in the side. “I won’t.”

  “You will I think.” He whispered. “I’m sure he’s borderline desperate for you now. If I was him and you were my wife, I probably would’ve kidnapped you by now.”

  I smirked looking at Justin.

  “Seriously.” He said lifting a brow. “I would’ve kidnapped you and locked you in a cage, so you couldn’t leave me ever again.”

  “Be serious, Justin.”

  “I am.” He said in a high-pitched voice, throwing his hands up in the air.

  “But I don’t think I could have ever done what he did.” Justin said softly. “Fucking around on you like that. So, I don’t think I can entirely relate or feel sorry for the situation that he has put himself in.”

  I ran my hand over Justin’s warm chest, inhaling his masculine scent.

  “I’m going to ask Mia out on a date.” I said, changing the subject.

  “Do you think she would go?”

  I shr
ugged. “I don’t know. Actually, maybe I shouldn’t do that. I’m still her doula. Argh.” I groaned.

  “Well tell her how you feel about her because I’m sure she doesn’t know, Scarlett. Or maybe she does. Your eyes always give you away Scarlett.”

  “Do they?” I shot up from the bed and looking at Justin.

  Justin nodded slowly, smirking.

  “Those blues tell me everything about you, what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling. They’re like a poster board.”

  “Am I that obvious?”

  “Yes.”

  I plopped back down, intertwining my legs with Justin’s.

  “I’m going to miss you, Mrs. Brandon.” He said, pressing his lips to my forehead.

  I giggled.

  Mia

  The furniture that I ordered finally arrived. The delivery men were nice enough to put it all together for me, when they noticed I was alone. I guess they had pity on me.

  Half the day I spent working, reviewing more depositions and answering emails. The rest of it I spent on the phone with my mother and then my father and then my mother again. When she got going, she never knew when to stop.

  We talked about everything. She was heartbroken she couldn’t be here with me but I promised her when the baby was born I would either visit her or find some way she could make here to Chicago to spend time with us, even if it was only for a few days.

  Flipping through a book of baby names, I narrowed it down to three for a boy and three for a girl.

  I walked into the nursery holding the baby book in my hand, turning the pages.

  If it’s a boy I was undecided between Mason, Carter and Eli. For a girl, Emma, Madison or Rose. I closed the book and ran my fingers along the dark ebony railing of the empty crib. There was still a long list of items I needed to purchase. I told my family I didn’t want a shower. I feared that day I would only a be a bucket of tears.