If Only Page 7

  “Okay.” I said.

  “Do you know how she got pregnant?” Tony asked glaring at me.

  “It’s really none of my business.” I said, kneading into Melinda’s shoulders.

  “I fucked her.”

  Roland scoffed loudly. “Stop telling everyone that, Tony!”

  “Yeah, I fucked Melinda and now she’s pregnant. It saved us almost sixty grand! I’m bisexual. Roland is gay, gay, gay. I mean usually, I -I mean we don’t do things like that since we’re a couple and everything but you wouldn’t believe the costs of in vitro!” Tony shouted.

  “It’s in the tens of thousands of dollars! So yeah, I fucked her. It was simple and easy and now we can use that extra money for the baby and to pay Melinda of course.

  “When Roland told me he was fine with it for pregnancy purposes.” Tony waved his hand around. “I rolled right on up in that pussy and filled it with my cum, a few times before the test finally said positive.”

  “But if I had a choice, I wished I could have gotten Roland pregnant. Right now, I can only put it all over his face.” He hissed.

  I snorted a laugh.

  “Tony, stop! You’re going to scare this woman.” Roland yelled.

  Melinda chuckled as I kept my head down avoiding Tony’s gaze.

  “I’m used to it. Don’t worry he really is as sweet as pie.” Melinda said.

  “The hell I am!” Tony said loudly. “You know a few doulas refused to be involved with us. They said the situation was too complicated. I told them to go fuck themselves.”

  Melinda giggled.

  “I mean how fucking complicated could this be?” He asked pointing to Melinda’s stomach. “You have a pregnant woman. There’s a baby inside of her. It’s pretty straight fucking forward to me.”

  “They didn’t want to help us Tony because we’re gay.” Roland said blithely from across the room as he continued to fill out the forms.

  “I don’t have a problem with it.” I said quietly. “My job is just to help Melinda and assist with the birth and after the birth if you wish, when the baby is born.”

  “We know nothing about kids but we are reading every book we can on childbirth and newborns. The whole lot.” Tony said.

  “That’s good.”

  “Do you have kids?” Tony asked, sitting forward.

  “No.”

  Tony shook his head a few times and then stopped.

  “It’s not in the cards for you?”

  “I don’t know.” I said honestly.

  Roland walked across the mat and sat next to Tony.

  They were a handsome couple. The two men looked like they regularly worked out. They both had dark hair and clean shaven faces. They reminded me of two mafia brothers. I would’ve dated probably either one of them if they were attracted to women. They both doted on Melinda and I was sure they were taking very good care of her.

  “We could’ve just paid Melinda on the arrival of the baby but we really wanted to be involved.” Tony said, touching Melinda’s stomach.

  I ran the hot stone along Melinda’s shoulder and she sighed.

  “This place is like a spa.” Tony said looking around.

  I chuckled. “It’s meant to keep everyone relaxed.”

  “Tony definitely needs to learn how to relax.” Roland added.

  Tony scoffed, crossed his legs again and looked Melinda over.

  “At the end of the third month, your baby is around three to four inches long and weighs about an ounce. The most critical part of your baby’s development has already taken place.”

  Tony nodded.

  “We were concerned about miscarriage but our doctor has assured us that since Melinda has passed the three month and a bit mark, the chance of miscarriage drops substantially.”

  “That’s true.”

  Tony, Roland and Melinda explained to me that the baby would be born in the hospital. Melinda would move in with Tony and Roland at seven months pregnant and then would remain with them for three to six months after the baby’s birth.

  Scarlett

  “Oh, God! Ohhhhhh, my God!” A woman’s voice screamed.

  “Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, God!”

  I rolled over looking at the clock on the kitchen wall under the moonlight. It was two in the morning. I guess they changed their schedule.

  Loud banging accompanied the woman’s screams and the man’s loud grunts. Then they quieted before the man began talking to the woman softly. I rested my head against the headboard, listening to them. The man began to let out deep moans and grunts. It reminded me of the strangled sounds that would escape Christian’s throat when we fucked.

  The woman began to cry out, making high-pitched noises. Then it slowed again, as the man started to talk to her. The walls here were paper thin. I was certain if I pressed my ear to the wall, everything he was saying would be clear, word for word. I wondered what the man could be saying to the woman because she giggled. Then he began to fuck her harder as my wall rattled and the desperate sounds came again.

  I took a deep breath, shut my eyes and allowed my fingers to roam down between my legs, slipping them inside of me. The sound of the squeaky springs next door became louder. The man let out a long succession of grunts. I dragged my wet fingers up along my clit, sinking into the sounds of the couple next door. My pussy clenched hard around my fingers when I did it again.

  I was beyond horny and listening to these people fucking was only making it worse. I could let this give me some temporary relief. The man picked up speed and so did I, pushing into my slit harder and faster, then dragging my fingers out along my clit.

  “Fuck.” The man groaned as he hammered into the woman.

  The wall began to rattle again as she cried out, while the man shouted obscenities at her.

  I rubbed my clit hard and gasped as the violent orgasm took over my senses, causing me to scream and cry out in unison with the faceless couple next door, who seemed to be coming as well. My mind went completely blank. I thought of nothing except for the strong throbbing in my pussy that spread through the rest of my body. When the contractions subsided, I slipped my fingers out and stared at the ceiling waiting for my breathing and heart rate to return to normal.

  This was pathetic. I rolled onto my side, hugging the pillow next to me, imagining it was Christian. Shortly after, I fell off to sleep.

  Mia

  I was twelve weeks pregnant. The morning sickness was finally gone.

  It was March. The St. Patrick’s Day parade would be tomorrow. Downtown Chicago would be a thick sea of people. The parade started at noon from Balbo and Columbus and then continued north on Columbus Drive to Buckingham Fountain.

  I debated fighting the cold to see it but I knew work would keep me in.

  My dad called me twice today. It was so nice to hear his voice. He had so many questions and seemed concerned that I decided to do all of this on my own. Kieran always worried about me. I wondered if I would worry about my own children in the same way.

  I finished work and drove just outside of the city to meet with the woman from the flyer that Connor had given me.

  I wanted a private home birth but I knew that came with some sacrifices, namely no epidural or any sort of pain relief. It was usually only recommended for women who have already had a child. Obviously, I didn’t fit that recommendation.

  I also needed to learn so much about pregnancy and childbirth.

  Looking at the business card again, the address said suite #210. The door was just across the parking lot. I snuggled deeper into my wool coat and headed for the door. When I reached it, I peered in through the glass. There was only a small desk in view and the walls inside were painted a calming yellow.

  I opened the door and stepped inside, enjoying the warmth the shelter provided. A woman was crouched down in the corner of the space, stacking books onto a shelf. She turned when she heard the doorbell. I froze as she stood giving me a smile, taking in how gorgeous she was. Medium-height, long honey blonde wa
vy hair and blue eyes, gorgeous skin and bright white smile. She had one dimple in her left cheek.

  “Hello.” She said, extending her hand, heading towards me. “I’m Scarlett Brandon.”

  “Mia Fisher.” I said taking her hand.

  “It’s nice to finally meet you.” We said almost simultaneously.

  We’d been emailing for the past week, back and forth. I struggled to find a time between all my meetings and court appearances to make it here.

  “Was it a long drive?” Scarlett asked, ushering me into a seat on the opposite side of her desk.

  The place itself was warm and inviting. The lights were low and the large room smelled faintly of something herbal. It was calming. Large throw pillows rested on cream mat on the floor. I heard a light trickle and then noticed there was a water fountain in the corner. Low classical cello music played on a small radio in the corner. The place reminded me less of a doula business and more of a day spa. There were some boxes laid out that were still being unpacked.

  “Would you like some tea?” She offered.

  “Ah, sure.”

  “I have mint and then just English breakfast.”

  “Mint is fine.” I said.

  “Don’t mind those. I’m still unpacking.” Scarlett said, moving to the other side of the room to prepare the tea.

  “Oh.” I said looking around. “You’ve just moved here.”

  “Yes.” Scarlett said seeming nervous. “I’ve just gotten started. You will officially be my fourth client.” She said chuckling, holding up four fingers.

  “Oh.” I said still in awe at how beautiful this woman was.

  “I will need you to fill these out.” She said handing me a clipboard with papers attached to it and a pen.

  I took it from her, noticing there was no ring on her finger.

  As I filled out the papers, Scarlett’s gaze remained on me.

  “When are you expecting your little bundle of joy?” She asked almost too enthusiastically.

  I groaned and she frowned.

  “I have a due date of September 11th.”

  When I looked up, Scarlett’s blue eyes smiled at me. “It doesn’t mean anything.” She said quietly.

  “What do you do?” She asked me, trying to make conversation in the awkward silence.

  “I’m a lawyer.”

  “Oh, wow.”

  “At a big firm downtown.”

  “That’s really neat. Amazing actually.”

  “What did you do before this?” I asked her.

  Scarlett bit her lip and looked away from me. “I was a housewife.” She said with a tight smile.

  “Children then?”

  Scarlett giggled. “No, no, just a cat.” She said.

  I laughed.

  “The fee is thirty dollars an hour but your first appointment, today is free.”

  Inwardly, I grimaced realizing Scarlett wasn’t charging enough for her services, in order for it to be sustainable. Other doulas, I researched were charging close to a hundred.

  “I want you to be comfortable with me before you make your decision to stick with me. I know sometimes no matter how qualified a doula seems, if it’s not a good fit then…” Scarlett’s voice trailed off.

  “I am not a medical professional. Nor, am I a nurse, doctor. I have not had any formal medical training. I recommend that you still consult with a qualified medical professional throughout the term of your pregnancy, before and after.”

  I widened my eyes, listening to Scarlett’s thorough verbal waiver.

  “I’m sorry, I have to say that to all of my potential clients.” Then she pointed to the form I’d just completed. “And it’s also written there.”

  I nodded. “I understand.”

  “What kind of support were you looking for?”

  I breathed out a breath.

  “I offer pre-natal, support during the actual childbirth and home care after the baby is born.”

  “I need it all.” I grumbled.

  “Okay.” Scarlett said, clearly suppressing a laugh.

  I smiled and then stood again to take off my coat. I handed her my purse, which Scarlett tucked under the desk. I changed before I left work into a pair of leggings and a soft sweat top.

  “You can take off your shoes.” Scarlett said, standing next to me.

  When I stepped onto the mat, I realized we were almost the exact same height. Scarlett slipped off her flats and dimmed the lights, taking the steaming hot cup of tea from me. I scooted down and sat on the soft mat, while she slipped a pillow under my back. Then a warm contour pillow was placed around my neck and pressed into my shoulders. Scarlett handed me the tea back.

  “Do you have any issues with heat?” She asked.

  “No.”

  Scarlett pulled a metal tin towards her that was steaming and full of hot rocks.

  “You don’t have to take off your socks or shoes or anything.”

  “I just like to give my clients a nice massage, while you tell me a little bit about yourself. Your expectations for the pregnancy and childbirth experience.”

  “Okay.” I smiled.

  Scarlett moved around me like a professional masseuse, propping one of my legs up on her thighs as she knelt in front of me. When she put the hot stone to the base of my foot, I made a loud sigh.

  Scarlett giggled.

  “I’m sorry.” I said.

  She shrugged and then moved the hot stone expertly over my foot and up the back of my calves.

  I shut my eyes.

  “I wear heels all day.” I told her. “My feet are always sore.”

  Scarlett smiled. “Even now?”

  I nodded.

  “You’re about twelve weeks?”

  “Yes.”

  Scarlett looked me over and smiled.

  “It’s just me throughout this.” I blurted out.

  I was never one to give up such personal information to a complete stranger but something made me feel comfortable around Scarlett.

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  I shrugged and sipped my tea, admiring Scarlett’s long blonde waves as they fell over one of her bare shoulders as her sweater draped off it, revealing smooth creamy skin.

  “I can do this on my own.” I said firmly.

  “I agree.”

  “You’re married?”

  Scarlett smiled uncomfortably. “Sort of.” She said quietly.

  Sort of?

  It was an odd answer to what I thought was a pretty straight forward question.

  Scarlett retrieved a new stone and shifted to my other foot.

  “I want to have a home birth.” I told her. “I’m certain of that.”

  Scarlett nodded. “I can tell you what to expect, before, during and after your baby is born.”

  “We will focus on breathing exercises. I always think yoga helps. We can focus on your diet. I have a bit of a natural approach but of course combined with the medical intervention from your doctor.

  “We never want to clash.”

  “Okay.” I said, feeling completely relaxed.

  I spent the next forty-five minutes sinking into the best hot stone massage I think I’ve ever had and talking to Scarlett about anything and everything from growing up in Chicago, to baby names and her dream to have her own business. At one point, we even talked about Butterscotch. Scarlett talked about everything but her husband, which was interesting but I didn’t pry. By the end of the appointment, I was in tears and I didn’t know why. I’d just met this woman and I felt comfortable around her. It was weird.

  “Are you okay?” Scarlett asked, placing a hand on my shoulder.

  I wiped my tears as she looked me over curiously. “I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and a big case I’m working on. I don’t know. I guess I’m having a pathetic moment.” I chuckled through my tears.

  Scarlett gave me a sympathetic look. “I can come with you.”

  I sighed but couldn’t deny I wanted company.

  “Plus, I should
probably meet this Dr. Stuart anyway. I usually meet all the doctors, just so they are familiar with me prior to the birth of the baby.”

  “Yeah, that is a good idea actually.” I murmured.

  I wanted someone there.

  Scarlett helped me up from the floor and smiled at me. In that moment, I realized just how pretty she was. Scarlett touched my hair and then ran a hand down my shoulder as she looked at me with her head cocked to the side.

  “I can go with you tomorrow.” She said quietly.

  I nodded, feeling a little embarrassed by my meltdown.

  “It’s tomorrow at 10 a:m. I can text you the location.”

  Scarlett nodded, walking me to the door.

  Scarlett

  I met the most beautiful woman today named Mia Fisher.

  I could tell I could be friends with her. She was a little younger than me, going by the form she filled out.

  Mia was far different from me. She was clearly independent, massively successful and educated, which I admired. Her brown hair was pinned at the nape of her neck in a sophisticated bun and she didn’t look like she wore much make up, much like I didn’t. Mia had the most sincere smile I’d probably ever seen and kissable lips. She was pretty and level-headed but there was something else about her. She was strong and confident but she seemed tired, beat down…broken-hearted, almost like me. I didn’t know her whole story but I wondered about why she was alone and pregnant. At least she was pregnant, I laughed to myself. I was just alone.

  Mia seemed like a good person and it was nice to talk to someone who didn’t always want to talk about Christian and all the problems we were having. I needed to forget about him, even if it was just for an hour during an appointment. It was cliché but sinking into other people’s problems, somewhat helped me to forget about my own.

  I felt bad for Mia having to go to the doctor alone every time, which was shitty. There had to be some points during her pregnancy when she felt completely alone. I didn’t mind going with her tomorrow. In fact, I was looking forward to it. I figured it would be nice to be involved in the whole baby process, since I knew I would likely never have my own.

  Mia said the timeline she hadn’t quite figured out yet but she would. For now, it would be for about three months until she could get a nanny. She would also be requiring my services after the birth of her baby.