If Only Page 10
“A what?” I asked.
Justin laughed. “If you had kids Scarlett, you would be one of those mothers, I would like to fuck. MILF.”
I stared at him blankly and then burst into laughter.
Justin chuckled. “You still are though…one of those women I would like to fuck, even with no kids.
“You have an insane body. Your breasts are perky and your ass is firm. You’re every man’s dream.” Justin said kissing me again, this time pressing his lips to mine harder, sliding his tongue into my mouth.
It was tender and sweet and I knew he meant what he said. I swore I needed to keep him around just for the ego boost. I felt my eyes tearing over and looked away. Justin nudged my chin with his finger, forcing me to look at him.
“You miss him, don’t you?”
I groaned but didn’t speak.
Justin blew out a breath, running his finger in a line between my breasts, sucking on each nipple, causing my insides to tighten.
“So, I’m like a filler then? For him?” Justin whispered.
“No.”
“It’s okay if I am. I’m just glad I could help. I wouldn’t want a pretty lady like you, going without.”
I giggled.
“Without what?”
“Cock.” Justin whispered, sliding down my stomach.
I looked into his brown eyes as he kissed my lower belly and then languidly pressed his lips to the insides of my thighs, while keeping his eyes trained on mine. His hands caressed my hips and then my legs, before he settled his mouth on my pussy. I writhed underneath him, running my hands through his thick hair. Justin kissed and sucked, teasing me, clearly making me beg.
“Please.” I whispered.
He laughed softly, giving me a radiant smile, then began to make light strokes
with his warm wet tongue against my flesh.
Scarlett
The spare key that we always kept outside, in one of the flower pots was still there. I searched through the Japanese silver grass and then used it to get in. As soon as I opened the door, I inhaled the smell of the place. It was twelve in the afternoon. I knew Christian wouldn’t be here. This was my home and I missed it so much.
I leaned against the foyer wall, staring at a pair of Christian’s big shoes and sighed. The kitchen was spotless. The glass cabinet was still shattered from the day I left. There was an orange envelope sticking out of the trash can. I pulled it out partially until I realized it was torn in half. I pulled the torn envelope and pages out and looked them over. They were ultrasound pictures of a fully formed baby. I opened a drawer and taped the pages back together, resting them on the counter on top of the orange envelope.
This was Christian’s baby, whether he liked it or not. If he was going to be angry with anyone, he needed to be angry with himself and then secondly, with Jacqueline. This baby should remind him of how selfish he is. I would never allow him to forget that.
I needed to get some clothes and a few books. Bugsy appeared at my feet, rubbing his soft fur against my legs and meowing. I bent over to pet him. As moved through the hallway, I jumped at the sound of the phone ringing. The answering machine automatically clicked on.
“Christian, it’s Mom.” Vivian said. “I haven’t been able to reach you. I just want to make sure you’re okay. Have you heard from Scarlett? I’m worried about you. Please call me back okay.”
I plopped down on the edge of the bed, enjoying the soft feeling of the comforter. Everything smelled of Christian in here. It was paralyzing me, assaulting every fiber of my being, like some sort of vapor tranquilizer.
I kicked off my shoes and pulled the comforter back. The airline tickets for Tokyo were still on my nightstand. The bright yellow folder was only a remnant of the vacation that never happened. I slid over to Christian’s pillow and pulled it tighter around me. Bugsy hopped up on the bed and snuggled next to me, purring. This was how he and I used to take our afternoon naps, when I was done running seven miles on the treadmill and cooking dinner. I rolled over to look into his big brownish-green eyes, that seemed a little larger than I remembered. That was how he got his name after all…his big eyes.
I inhaled again, enjoying the fresh scent of the pillow and the smell of Christian that was all over the soft linen. It would be easy I knew, just to stay here but I couldn’t. I wiped my tears and sniffled. I would take this little piece of him, that I had right now, that I missed so much. Then I would leave.
Scarlett
“Why did you go there?” Justin asked as he ran his index finger down my thigh.
“I don’t know.” I said, pressing my face into the pillow.
I was too old to keep up with this young stallion. We’d fucked just a few minutes ago and he was hard again, hovering over me with his cock pressed against my entrance.
“What’s he like?” Justin asked.
“Handsome, kind, sexy – all that boring stuff.”
“Sounds like a regular blow joe.” He said grinning wide.
I didn’t miss his sarcasm.
“What happened?”
I went quiet. I didn’t want to taint Justin’s perfect view of the world. The hot man in my bed showed up earlier this evening, holding McDonald’s and a six pack of Bud-Light. I couldn’t resist letting him in.
Finally, I spoke. “He cheated on me with another woman and got her pregnant.”
Justin froze looking at me. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it and opened it again. “I might be young Scarlett but I know an asshole when I hear about one. Who would cheat on this hot piece of ass I’m banging?”
I laughed and ran a hand through Justin’s hair.
“I can’t be that hot if he was cheating on me.”
He huffed and put his nose to mine. “He just sounds like he has issues Scarlett that have nothing to do with you.
“I doubt he meant to get her pregnant.” Justin said boring his eyes into mine.
“All of our friends know, my family. It feels like the whole fucking world knows.”
He kissed my forehead. “So, you’re hiding out here then.”
I nodded.
“If anyone should be hiding in shame Scarlett, it’s him, not you.”
“I know but it’s still embarrassing.” I said looking away from him.
Justin touched my chin lightly with his fingers and kissed me, allowing me to taste the beer that lingered on his tongue.
“Christian never wanted to have children and now he is having a child with this woman. It just makes me feel so awful, you know.”
“I understand. If you could hang on for another year, I can get you pregnant.”
I belted out a laugh.
“What?” Justin asked. “I’m not kidding.”
“You need to find a young girl. Your life is just beginning, mine is almost over.” I snorted.
“Scarlett, you look hotter than some of the girls I go to school with, that are probably half your age.”
“Well, I’m old on the inside then.”
He rolled me over, stretching my arms out in front of me. “I’m going to be a doctor by next year.”
He groaned against shell of my ear, sliding a hand under my stomach and pulling me back towards him on my knees. Then he slid into me. As soon as placed my hands on the mattress, Justin began hammering into me, stealing my breath away with each stroke.
Scarlett
“Oh God! Fuck me!” The woman screamed. “Oh God!”
The loud banging started again. My eyes shot open wide as the noises began to sink into my brain. Justin groaned and then sat up. His hair was pointing in every single direction. He still looked cute even though he was tired and disoriented.
The walls began to shake again. Justin stood and marched over to the far wall and banged on it hard with his fist. The loud boom echoed through the room.
“What the fuck! People are trying to sleep!” He yelled.
I sat up in bed, covering my mouth, shocked at his angry outburst. He turned and l
ooked at me and we both burst into laughter.
He thumbed in the direction of the wall. “Does that happen every night?”
I nodded.
“Jesus Christ, that is annoying.”
The noises lowered but we could still hear them next door fucking. Justin slipped back under the covers pulling me against his chest.
“I usually just listen to it until it stops.” I snickered.
“Pervert.” Justin whispered.
He ran his fingers down my shoulder lightly. I turned and kissed him.
“Have you been with a lot of men?”
I gave Justin an incredulous look.
“Because you’ve been married for so long to the same man. I guess I’m just curious.”
“Nope, three and you so that makes four.”
“Oh.”
“I’ve been with more women than I’ve been with men.” I told him.
Justin knotted his brows and sat up on his elbow staring at me. “Women?”
“Yes.” I said softly. “I like women, too.”
Justin grinned wide and ran his finger in a line down my stomach.
“So, you’re-.”
“I’m attracted to people, emotionally attracted. If they happen to be men or women doesn’t matter to me.”
Justin placed a kiss to my lips. When we really sank into it, shouting echoed through the wall from next door. Justin froze and sat up, Justin sat up again, looking around the moonlit room.
“They’re incredible. First, they’re fucking. Now, they’re shouting at each other! Is that what love does to people?” He asked twisting his face.
I nodded, widening my eyes.
“Sounds crazy.”
“It is.” I giggled.
The door next door slammed and then it was silent again.
Mia
“I was addicted to watching Law & Order.” I told Scarlett, when she asked me why I wanted to become a lawyer.
Scarlett smiled and I sat across from her, concentrating on breathing exercises.
“I’ve never seen it.” She said.
My mouth dropped open in shock.
Scarlett slowly opened her eyes and smiled at me. “Really, I haven’t.”
“It’s the best show.”
Scarlett chuckled again and gave me a smile. “I promise to watch it the first chance I get.”
I closed my eyes and breathed deep, trying my best not to talk.
Scarlett looked tired today. She was still cheerful but I could tell something was bothering her. She kept her eyes shut as she breathed in deep again. I focused on the soft pink color of her lips. She was beautiful. For thirty-seven, there were magically no greys in her hair. There were no visible roots either, so I was certain she was a natural blonde. Her wavy hair was also natural. I imagined myself kissing her. I closed my eyes again, shaking away the image.
“How was your day?” I asked her softly.
Scarlett’s eyes opened slowly. “It was okay, nothing special.” She said leaning down into a long stretch and another deep breath.
“Yours?” She asked.
“Reading, reading and more reading.”
Scarlett laughed. “Sounds interesting.”
“It can be.” I admitted. “Are you a reader?”
Scarlett shrugged and leaned forward arching her back. I followed her lead, realizing how good the stretching and breathing exercises felt.
“I have but I not lately.”
I gave Scarlett a long look. I knew there was a lot behind those blue eyes of hers.
“I’m thinking of having a lunch, just with family and friends. I want them to meet you.”
Scarlett nodded. “Okay.” She said with her eyes closed. “Just let me know when.”
“I will.” I said firmly.
Scarlett
I stopped at Whole Foods after closing my place for the night. After my bump in with Jacqueline at the last one, I found another location that was even better than the last.
I had no food at home and I was still scraping together the rent money I owed Mr. Greer, which I left at home, tucked inside of the mattress. Justin said he would write it off but there was no way I was allowing him to do that.
I walked through the aisles slowly, debating what I would eat tonight. I settled for a chicken breast and salad. The items in my basket wouldn’t total a lot. They couldn’t. I didn’t have much money to last me until the end of the month.
I thought about Mia. How radiant she looked tonight. She seemed happy and she was settling into pregnancy well.
My phone rang. I pulled it out quickly looking at the number. It was Christian. I let it go to voicemail and held it against my chest, still making my way through the grocery store. Then the phone made a strange noise, letting me know I had a text message, which had to be from Christian. He never texted. He was a caller. He always wanted to hear the sound of someone else’s voice on the other end of the line and wanted them to hear his. He thought it conveyed, depth, feelings and sincerity. I knew I would crumble at the sound of his voice. I remembered it all too well. His deep voice, the tone of it and the sound of the strangled moan that used to escape his lips, whenever he groaned in my ear as he came. I closed my eyes and thought about it.
When I opened them, there were two little girls running by me at breakneck speed, squealing and laughing. A woman shouted for them as she searched for the two panicked. I pointed a finger in the direction they ran ahead of her and she gave me a grateful nod and then began to jog.
There was a long line up ahead. I looked around the busy store, realizing how tired and hungry I was. I settled into my position, which seemed to be number eight.
I began to daydream, thinking about everything from my past to my future and everything I did wrong in between. Was I fool to even be considering leaving Christian? On the outside, he was every woman’s dream. He was handsome, rich, successful, educated, charming, funny and he had a cock that I used to swear was made of gold. Christian was perfect.
I was certain some women might think I was a crazy for even considering for just a second, leaving him, no matter what he’d done. Especially, since I had nothing really going for myself besides a start-up business that was already ten years behind in establishment.
I was his wife but I was never Christian’s equal. It only seemed to be me who didn’t know it. He’d known all along I believe. He’d always looked at me as being less.
When I finally made it to the front of the line, I piled my items up onto the conveyor belt. The machine made a loud beep each time it swiped an item.
“That will be $56.05 ma’am.” The stone-faced woman said.
I was certain that with an expression like that on her face, she hated her job.
I smiled and then swiped my debit card.
“I’m sorry ma’am. It declined.”
I fumbled with my wallet, pulling out a credit card that I promised I wouldn’t use, unless I was desperate. I swiped it and waited.
“Ma’am, this one didn’t go through either.” She said in a bored tone.
I widened my eyes at the woman. These were Christian’s cards, with me as a joint user. Had he cancelled them? I tried another, feeling my cheeks flush with embarrassment.
This time the woman gave me an angry look. “You might want to contact your bank, ma’am.”
I felt tears gathering at the corners of my eyes. Customers behind me began to scoff and mumble under their breath at the hold up I was causing. I was mortified, which seemed to be the story of my life. I reached into my wallet pulling out a twenty and then a ten. I searched my pockets trying to find the difference. Then realized I didn’t have it.
“Come on, lady.” A man three people behind me grumbled.
If I could have crawled into a hole, I would’ve. My hands were trembling in frustration, embarrassment. I couldn’t pay for this. I didn’t have $56.05 to my name!
“I’m sorry.” I whispered to the cashier, putting the items back into the basket.
“I’ve got it.” She said slowly again, giving me a smile.
The cashier bagged the items up as I sloppily shoved all the money back into my wallet.
“Thank you.” I whispered to her, attempting to hide my tears that were now publicly pouring down my cheeks.
Mia twisted her face when she saw them and touched my shoulder.
“What about your items?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. I didn’t buy anything. I was actually just strolling through the baby aisle and when I was about to leave, I saw you.”
We walked towards the automatic doors. Each time it opened, the cold air that rushed in allowed me to breathe and I needed to breathe.
“Are you okay?” Mia asked.
I nodded up and down, meeting her disbelieving expression. Then I shook my head from side to side vigorously, feeling my somewhat stoic façade quickly crumbling. I was on the verge of having an epic meltdown in public.
“I will pay you back.” I chirped, referring to the items she’d just purchased for me.
Mia shook her head and stepped closer to me. I could smell her perfume that was subtle but still sexy. Her brown eyes smiled at me. Her hair was up in a messy clip and her cheeks were a little pink from the cold. I could now see the outline of her stomach through her sweater under her coat, taking in how perfect she looked.
“Are you hungry?” She asked. “There’s an Appleby’s across the lot. I’m starving.”
I laughed to myself. Appleby’s was one of my favorite restaurants.
As much as I wanted to say yes, I clearly didn’t have the money to split the bill.
“I-I.” I stuttered out.
Mia smiled. “Don’t worry about it. It’s on me.”
I wiped my tears and bobbed my head a few times. Then we walked across the parking lot.
Mia