If Only Page 9

  “Ah, Hi. Ms. Brandon. I’ve just come to collect the rent.”

  My stomach dropped. I was expecting his father. This was so embarrassing. I was certain there was confusion written all over my face but before I could ask, Justin spoke again.

  “My father, he’s sick today, so he sent me.”

  I sighed and he gave me another sexy grin.

  “Do you want to come in?” I asked.

  Justin gave me a curious look and shifted where he stood, looking me over skeptically. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. He looked at me again with a hooded gaze and then cocked his head to the side.

  “Please.” I said softly.

  “Ah, yeah okay. Is there something you need fixed?” He asked, pushing into the door as I backed away.

  I huffed a breath, debating if I knew what I was doing. The door clicked behind him as he stood looking around, casually scrutinizing the place before his brown eyes settled on my face again. When he stepped closer, he looked me over and then gave me a sly smile. I backed away from him a little more and he inched closer again across the room. I was nearly standing in the kitchen. When he finally stood in front of me, he placed two warm fingers under my chin, forcing me to look at him. For a man as young as he was, he was confident, which made me even more nervous.

  “Ms. Brandon.” He said firmly, as his eyes took in my face. “You don’t have to do this. If you need an extension on the rent, I can give you one, no problem. Hell, I would even write it off completely.”

  “Please, call me Scarlett.” I whispered.

  “Scarlett.” He repeated. “That’s a pretty name.”

  He backed away from me and I almost fell over at the loss of his touch.

  “Please.” I said again, realizing I was almost begging for his company, when he headed for the door.

  Justin looked at me strangely and then walked back towards me. The closer he stood, the harder my heart pounded against the wall of my chest. I didn’t know what I was doing. I felt like it was my body talking and then my brain was close behind. Maybe I was using both? I was just too horrified to admit it. I hadn’t been touched affectionately in months. I was horny and I was lonely. Christian was the only one I’d been with in so long. I didn’t know how to do this. Did it all even work the same?

  “You know I’ve seen you around here Scarlett and it never made sense to me. You’re pretty and you seem real nice.” He said. “But you’re alone.”

  He peered down into my face, his lips nearly touching mine. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes but before I could speak he kissed me. He pressed me against the kitchen counter, pinning me with his body. He smelled like soap and wood chips. His lips were soft and there was light stubble around his mouth. When he pulled away, I almost cried.

  “Do you still want to, Scarlett?” He asked.

  I nodded without speaking and he kissed me again.

  He slid his hand underneath my top and undid my bra with expert fingers, exposing my breasts. He groaned and bit his bottom lip looking at them. Then he dipped his head down, hungrily sucking each nipple into his mouth and squeezing each breast with his hand. I gasped each time he did it, feeling the sensation register in my clit. I was really going to do this. I was going to let this boy fuck me.

  I pushed my pants down while Justin fiddled with his belt buckle impatiently. When I looked down, I realized he was already hard. I sucked on my bottom lip when I looked at his cock. Slowly, he pressed another soft kiss to my lips. I pulled his shirt and vest off, so I could take a look at his bare chest, which was gorgeous.

  “How old are you?” I asked him breathlessly.

  “Twenty-three.”

  Even younger…I cringed.

  “In college?”

  Justin nodded. “Yes, medical school. I’m studying to be a cardiologist. This is school break. I come home to help my parents.” He said quietly.

  “That’s amazing. You must be really smart.” I whispered.

  “Uh, huh.” Justin said and smiled, brushing his lips against my cheek.

  He ran his fingers down my chest. “This.” He said, letting his fingers linger over my heart. “Is beating really hard.”

  “I know. I think I’m going to have a heart attack.” I rasped out.

  Justin laughed and kissed me again. His fingers trailed down my stomach as he pressed his body harder against mine, jamming me against the kitchen counter. When his fingers reached my slit, I gasped.

  “You’re wet Ms. -. I’m sorry. Scarlett.” He said groaning into my neck. “Real wet.”

  Justin gripped my thigh hard and lifted me up in one tug, while I wrapped my hands around his neck.

  “Do you have a condom?” I asked, kissing him greedily.

  Justin swore and then fumbled around, looking for his wallet. He pulled one out and then slid it onto himself. He cupped one of my ass cheeks in his hand balancing my weight, while he moved into position. I opened my legs wider and he pushed in slowly, keeping my gaze. A loud whimper spilled from my mouth, while his flesh parted my own. When he began to move, I lost it.

  “You’re fucking hot.” He said into my ear. “My god, Ms. I’m sorry, Scarlett.” Justin said, banging into me.

  Justin stopped, pulling me closer to him and kissing me. I looked up at him through half-lidded eyes, taking in his sly smile.

  “You’re something else.” He groaned before he began pounding into me again.

  Mia

  The baby was moving. I held on to my cup of tea, as I sucked in a surprised breath of air. The movement completely stunned me. I chuckled at how happy it made me feel. It reminded me that this was all real. The little thing inside me was alive. I lifted my shirt to stare at my bare belly. It was fluttering, almost as if something was rolling and spinning inside me. I placed my hand on my abdomen and I could feel it, little bumps and pokes here and there. I laughed loud when I felt it again, resting my cup on the counter. I was now twenty weeks pregnant.

  I spent the last week, sinking into work and reading as much baby books as I could. I also spent time going over names. I wondered about the baby. What would he or she would look like? Would he or she be just like me?

  Butterscotch scurried across the wooden floors to look up at me with her sad brown eyes. I leaned down and ruffled her fur and she barked again. I didn’t know what Lauren planned to do with this dog but she was mine now. There was no way she was getting her back. I sat in one of the stools in the kitchen and opened my laptop.

  I was shopping for all sorts of baby things I was certain I probably didn’t need but the more things I had the better I figured. I met with Scarlett Brandon twice this week and last. I began to think I only went there for her company and the massages of course, which I always appreciated.

  I liked her. She was patient and funny. Scarlett was also beautiful, which kept my eyes engaged for an hour every few days. I wanted to know more about her. I asked her a few questions and at first each one she answered with an almost sorrowful tone in her voice. I asked her what she wanted most. Scarlett told me she never really had any big dreams. All she ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother but when she realized that he didn’t want to have children, she knew she needed to shift her focus and come up with a plan of her own. A wife and a mother...it was such a simple thing.

  Scarlett stopped wearing her wedding band but she had to still be married. It was none of my business. I was certain she wondered how I ended up pregnant and alone but she didn’t ask. Scarlett seemed to occupy my mind a lot. At work, at the gym I struggled to continue to go to and while I was at home. I wanted to know more about her but I knew it was awkward. I would be hitting on my married doula. I was pregnant and not even sure if she was even gay. I scoffed at the thought, almost disgusted with myself.

  The painters were coming today to start the nursery and the furniture I purchased would be delivered in a few days. This was all becoming so real.

  Scarlett

  It was dark outside when I awoke, snuggled in the c
rook of a warm body.

  Justin was fast sleep. I placed my hand in the center of his firm chest, running my fingers through the light hair there. His breathing was heavy and slow but quiet. He was definitely asleep. Then he groaned and rolled over, pulling me tighter in his arms, which made me giggle. His hands pulled the comforter up higher, covering the both of us. The television was on. It was an old rerun of Sanford & Son. I thought about nothing, just sank into the comedy show.

  “Elizabeth!” Fred shouted, placing a hand in the center of his chest and walking backwards with his other hand in the air, giving the impression that he was having a heart attack.

  I laughed loudly and then covered my mouth. I spent most of the late afternoon with my legs spread, while Justin pounded into me relentlessly. I came three times and another from the expertise of his warm tongue. He was a good fuck and for a man as young as he was, I was surprised that he knew what he was doing. I had a feeling he also knew how desperate I was for him or for just about anyone’s company. This young man was tender and sweet but rough at the same time, when he flipped me over onto my stomach and then yanked me up forcefully, pounding into me from behind. I couldn’t get enough. I needed it.

  I giggled more watching the hilarious television show. Justin caressed my stomach, letting me know he was awake. He pressed his lips into my ear and kissed me.

  “Whoever he is, he doesn’t deserve you Scar.”

  I chuckled and turned to look at him.

  “What did you say?” I asked, stunned by the nickname he called me that only Christian used.

  “Scarlett.” He clarified. “Let me guess, he calls you that.”

  I sighed and stared at Justin’s hand, as his fingers skimmed my lower belly.

  “Yeah he does.”

  Justin smiled. “You’re too beautiful to be alone but if you want to take advantage of me, I don’t mind.” He said feigning shyness.

  I grimaced shamefully and looked at the erection Justin was sporting again, that had curved up thickly, almost to his belly button. I bit my lip, unable to resist the lure of what I hadn’t had in so long. Justin crawled back towards the headboard, while I straddled him, easing down on his length slowly, while he groaned watching me. The audience laughter from the television became louder, along with my cries. He held onto my hips and leaned forward sucking on my breasts, while I rode him to my orgasm.

  Scarlett

  Divorce. According to Wikipedia, it is also known as the dissolution of marriage, the termination of a marital union, the cancelling and/or reorganizing of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage, thus dissolving the bonds of matrimony between a married couple under the rule of law of the particular country and/or state.

  I sighed as I sat with my cell phone in my lap, anxiously typing words into Google, staring out the window at the snowy parking lot.

  It told me that twenty-seven percent of marriages ended because of adultery, extramarital sex and infidelity. I guess the end of Christian and I’s marriage only added to that growing percentile.

  Key court fees for residents of Cook county are as follows; $337 to file/open a new divorce case. $206 to respond if your spouse files for divorce. $60 to have the Sheriff serve your spouse.

  Did I even have $337? I highly doubted I did.

  I arrived here at nine this morning, leaving early because I was bored of sitting alone at home. Now, I was waiting for the Nerani couple. They were young and were seven months pregnant with a boy and would be parents soon. I met them at a local coffee shop three weeks ago. The woman was named Shari and her husband was named Salman.

  They only came to me for birthing advice and breathing and stretching exercises. Shari would give birth at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, electing for the epidural I wasn’t sure I could blame her for. Childbirth was painful from what I knew, despite never having been through it myself.

  I thought about Mia. I thought about Mia a lot. Since she past fourteen weeks, her baby has already developed an ultra-fine downy covering of hair all over their body. The baby’s facial muscles are already getting a work out from squints, frowns and grimaces. Mia’s baby’s arms are already in proportion with its little body. The baby is about the length of a banana and has their own unique fingerprints.

  There was a voicemail message from my brother that I was taking forever to listen. I knew he was worried about me. I was surprised that by now, no one had filed a missing person report under my name. I pressed the code into my phone and let the message play.

  “Hey Scarlett, it’s Patrick.” He said followed by a long sigh. “I was just checking on you. I wanted to hear your voice really but every time I call it goes straight to voicemail. I’m not taking it personal. I know you’re probably doing what you do when you get upset, disappearing and all. Call me back okay. I’m really sorry that this has all happened.

  “Elise and I are worried about you.” Patrick huffed. “I really wanted to drive to Chicago and punch Christian right in the throat but Elise stopped me and I knew you’d be really upset if I did that.

  “I spoke to Mom. She’s really concerned for you. I told her I hadn’t seen or heard from you. This telephone number is still working, so I know you still have the phone.

  “I wish there was something I could do, Scarlett.” Patrick whispered and then made another long sigh.

  “Please call me back. I love you.” He muttered.

  I clutched the phone to my chest. As much as I wanted to speak to Patrick, I couldn’t. He was my little brother, six years younger than me.

  Patrick married his wife Elise last September. She was a nice girl from a good family that loved Patrick to death. Out of the three of us, Patrick was the youngest and the one most devastated by my own father’s philandering. He placed a lot of importance of marriage and family values. Christian and I splitting would only be a disappointment to him. Patrick and Elise were school teachers in Aurora, which was about an hour drive away from Chicago. I debated going to my brother’s the night Christian told me about Jacqueline but I didn’t want to burden them with my drama.

  I hit end on the phone and placed it back on the desk in front of me. Then like clockwork, the Nerani’s arrived.

  Mia

  I couldn’t fit into my pants and I felt as bloated as puffer fish. This was the least sexy I think I had felt in decades. I sighed and flopped down on the bed. It was five in the morning.

  The light on my cell phone was flashing and I knew my emails were piling up. It was Tuesday and the only thing I was looking forward to was my doula meeting at the end of today. I had meetings back to back and a dinner with my boss and his wife.

  I took a deep breath. Today, I would have to wear a dress. I didn’t mind but I always felt the men took you more seriously if you were wearing pants. I went back to the closet and found something suitable. A Houndstooth shift dress. It was perfect. I changed quickly and shoved a change of clothes in a duffel bag for later.

  I made sure to eat in the morning before I would leave. It was always something healthy as recommended by Scarlett. Oatmeal, orange juice, fruit and yogurt. I was drinking a lot of water and staying away from refined sugars. No matter how much I tried I couldn’t stay away from ice cream. I knew it would eventually make me fat but I didn’t care.

  I wanted to invite Scarlett here for lunch. It could be a get to know you sort of thing. Connor and his boyfriend Rory could come over. I could invite a few of my other friends that I didn’t get to see often. I thought it might be a good idea.

  I huffed when I considered how long it had been since I actually thought about Lauren. I smiled when I realized I hadn’t really thought about her at all. If only, I’d done this years ago. I probably would have saved myself a lot of heartache.

  I gave Butterscotch a kiss and headed out the door.

  Scarlett

  “You like to come, don’t you?” Justin groaned into my neck.

  He nuzzled his nose to mine and I laughed.

  “Yes.” I whispered.


  Justin rested his chin on one elbow as he loomed over me, tracing a finger along my collarbone. It was early evening and we’d been in bed for almost the last four hours. Justin had just fucked me twice already. I was covered in sweat and my thighs were still trembling from the aftershocks. He was like a racehorse.

  “You suck cock the best, Scarlett.” Justin complimented. “Better than any girl I know.”

  “I’m good with my tongue.” I said confidently. It was the truth.

  I usually could make Christian come in less than five minutes if I sucked him off. He hated the control it took away from him so he hardly ever let me do it. He always lasted much longer if we were fucking. He usually like to be in control of that too. He needed to be in control of everything.

  “You have the most beautiful blue eyes, Scarlett.” Justin said peering closer at my face.

  For the past few weeks, Justin had told me that probably a million times. If I wasn’t careful, he would end up falling in love with me. I didn’t need him joining the broken hearts club. It was already full and I was the founding member.

  Justin and I’d been having so much sex. I thought it was wise to put myself on birth control even though he never came inside me. The shot wasn’t entirely bad. It completely stopped my periods. I couldn’t complain about that.

  Justin kissed my lips, sucking on the bottom one, nipping at it and teasing me as he spoke again. “Why are you fucking me?”

  “Because I like you. It’s not complicated.”

  “I know you have a husband. Kids?” He asked.

  “Nope.” I said, letting my lips making a popping noise with the word.

  Justin looked me over again. He was so adorable. I felt like I was defiling him, each time he laid here naked with me.

  Then he arched a brow, making a sexy face. “If you did you would be a MILF.” He said.